The Bathroom

Wrinkled rug. Doh! I have already failed at homemaking.

My bathroom cracks me up!  But, I guess it's okay to laugh in there. (Oooohhh... and I just said "crack" and "but(t)" right off the bat in my bathroom post.)

I didn't have to do much in here, which is why it's already pretty much done a mere two days after closing.

When it comes to bathrooms, white is right! (I just wish a little more whiteness on that tile floor in there. Here, bleach! Come 'ere, boy...")

Soap dispenser and trash can from Target
Bath mat by Ikea

I actually touched this room first on closing day. The previous owner had already installed this fine-by-me sink and cabinet. So, all I had to do was bring some soft soap and artwork into the mix.

Oh, why does my bathroom crack me up, you ask?

Well that leads us right into my favorite thing:

"Bat Brush" and "Cat Brush" by Greg Guillemin. Purchased at iCanvas.com

Moonrise Kingdom poster purchased at ParadoxParade on etsy.com.

White frame from Michael's Arts and Crafts

My favorite thing about this room: The artwork! It's fun, it's me, and it happened to come in the colors I wanted for this room. Moonrise Kingdom is one of my top ten favorite movies, which is why I initially chose the print on the wall opposite our Gotham heroes. The reason I'm laughing is because I placed that poster directly above the place in which many moons will be rising. *wink, wink. nudge, nudge.*

What this room will be use for: Duh! And, probably also several impromptu fights with Cat Woman over toothpaste and our main squeeze.

What I'd still like to do with this space: Bleach those floors! Possibly remove the glass shower doors. I've never been a fan, but I'm also kind of starting to like the airy lightness they provide in this all-white space. We'll revisit that topic once I've actually showered in there. Also, the counter space will soon be cluttered with way too many products once I've officially moved in.

That's all for now. Keep it fresh and clean out there!

The Florida Room

Since every inch of the poopy carpet* is in the process of being replaced, yet I'm chomping at the bit to start decorating, the easy choice was to start with the three rooms that aren't waiting on the Home Depot team to lay new flooring.

The easiest of those places to start was in my Florida room.

Everything had already been purchased and was waiting in storage, so once the dingy white carpet was gone, all it needed was a good floor scrubbing and some caulk to replace the peeled-off stuff under the windows. (Note to self: Must buy caulking. That part didn't actually happen yet.)

Chair, table and rugs from Target.
Chevron outdoor pillows from landofpillows.com

My favorite thing about this room: The brick wall and the colors! I'm a lover of color. Which is also my way of warning, "Brace yourself. There's more of that to come!"

More chairs and rugs from Target.

What this room will be used for: I decorated very inexpensively here because I hadn't fully decided what this space will be used for. If I change my mind along the way, there will be no crying over tossing out the $19 Adirondack chairs. I'll get more than $19 use out of them this summer alone. Anticipated use: Reading, blogging, snacking and petting of cats. (Whoops! Not plural. Just cat. Keep me accountable with that, please!)

I prefer to use trends like chevron in easily replaceable ways,
like these cheapo rugs and throw pillows. That way once the trend
is laid to rest, I won't be crying over painted chevron floors or tile work.

What I'd still like to do with this space: I've been scoping out local antique shops for the perfect vintage street sign for the brick wall... although I'd also kind of hate to cover any inch of it up. Festive outdoor lights will probably be added as well.

Punny street sign option for the "cougar den".

*Reassuring me in my repulsion of the state of the old carpet was my brother who, when lifting the throw rug the owner had left behind as camouflage, blurted out "AUGH!!! What did he do in here?!" See, doubters. It's not pop stains, coffee spills or other once edible substances. It was poop. (You may now debate the relation of poop to "once edible substances" amongst yourselves.)

The First Two Days

Keys! Keys! I've FINALLY got keys!!!

The keys came on Thursday night. One hour later...

...and I'm already tearing up carpet! 

"I" obviously meaning my dad and brother. The real I "supervised". (Totally accurate use of quotation marks on both accounts.)

Three hours later...

...and, new carpet was ordered by midnight. Kimmy don't play.

The past two days have been devoted to shop vacs, tape measures, scrubbing bubbles and shopping trips. (Not the fun kind.)

Of course, that also means the fine cuisine of Home Depot.

And, way too much takeout pizza for a woman of my age and metabolism.

Some things I've learned so far:

• Always be born into a family of strapping men.
• Hoarding furniture piece by piece while paying for a storage unit paid off. It's so much better to spread those expenses out over time then to take one big stressful and bank-busting shopping trip at crunch time.
• Those dated dining room mirrors I once hated, I now realize I'll miss once the furniture is moved in and I'll have to discontinue the one woman dance-offs.
• Heavy lifting up several flights of stairs is about as much fun as I anticipated.

STAIRS!!!

MORE STAIRS!!!

Bonus: I fully expect calves of steel by the end of next week!

Extra tidbit for my regular readers: The drunk guy that fell into a bush and starred in one of my prior house hunting posts lives directly across the parking lot from my Florida room. This ought to warrant a binoculars purchase in the near future.

Top window, abode of the entertainingly drunk home owner.
You're welcome.

Designing From Afar

If you've been keeping up with this blog, you may have come to wonder how it is that I've been home shopping with accuracy, when most of my belongings have been in storage for a year now. And, how on earth I've managed to be designing for a piece of real estate in which I don't yet have the keys?!

Two words: Pinterest and Fotor.

If you're not familiar with the website, Pinterest, get off your lazy keister and check it out. (Actually, you'd be perfectly safe attempting this while staying on your lazy keister. As a matter of fact, some might argue that your keister will become even lazier once discovering the site... but, I digress.)

Pinterest is a photo-sharing site in which you can develop virtual inspiration boards about anything your little heart desires. It's usually used for sharing hilarious memes, inspirational quotes, pop culture references, fashion ideas, recipes and the like.

But, I've also found it handy for piecing together home decor ideas as I was leading up to my home purchase. 

I created a private board to save every piece of artwork, furniture and DIY idea I thought I might be interested in purchasing or using because---let's face it---if I don't pin it now, I'm never going to remember where I saw it later!

Then, comes in my favorite photo app, Fotor. (You can use any app of your choosing that has a collage feature.)

I had already uploaded pictures of my existing furniture, artwork and recently acquired goods. I then grouped these pictures into a separate collage for each room that I'm working on.

I've always designed any room that I'm decorating around the artwork. If you have art pieces that you love and you place them into a room you want to spend time in, you already have a built-in color palette! This simplifies matters significantly and this method has never done me wrong.

I'm moving into a mid-century building. So, I was excited at the chance to mix some modern and pop art into my existing collection of vintage advertising, Norman Rockwell and Edward Hopper pieces.

Next, I made a collage of the existing prints that I already own and slid in images of pieces that I might want to add to my collection. Seeing them grouped together in one place gave me the opportunity to slide them back out if it turned out a piece clashed with my working color story. (Which means, sorry to Banksy's "Yankee Stadium Tiger". You just didn't fit!) Planning ahead in this way is priceless in the form of not having to make returns on regretted purchases.

From there, I ordered what I needed and had a completed collage for that room. (Above, is the collection of what will be my living room art.)

Now that I have my color story, I can start adding in pictures of furniture pieces, before purchasing, to make sure the picture in my head makes sense in real life.

This is also handy in having one place to hold up carpet and paint samples to before making huge and regretful purchases.

Well, that's how I'm pulling things off! I'm not the type to want to sit around with an empty floor plan and bare walls on move-in day, so I think I'm off to a healthy start.

I'm sure I have boxes of extra artwork in my storage unit that I've forgotten to include, but I haven't even started on the bedroom or kitchen yet, so they'll find their place.

The countdown now stands at 3 weeks and 6 days. I'm sure you'll be hearing from me again soon!

Now, You Shall Wait... And Shop!

Today is exactly one month 'til my closing date.  Tick tock, tick tock...

My bid was accepted. My inspection and appraisal have been completed. My loan documents are all in order. I'm now at the stage where a team of underwriters, whom I have never met, sift through my personal business and scrutinize every financial decision I have made as of late. But, I am assured by my mortgage officer that my situation is a no-brainer of one and I have nothing to worry about.

Basically, this means that I have now reached the point where it's finally safe to go shopping!

I've had my whole design plan in my head for months. I had mentally committed to colors, layouts and furniture design before even setting foot in a store.

It's been both exhilarating and overwhelming. Especially once I've come to realize that not everything I am looking for actually exists. (I may soon be found Googling "how to forge your own curtain rod".)

This was the mood swing I encountered after today's trip to Home Depot:

Carpet stress aside; I did manage to procure two ceiling fans, a spray paint nozzle (but not the actual spray paint) and some face masks intended equally for assistance in said spray-painting and for looking hilariously creepy in future blog posts.

I'm also learning alot about myself during these trips.

First off, for being someone who has always thought of herself as a "planner", I'm awfully impulsive!

I almost snatched up this TV console solely on the grounds that it's the same shade of yellow as two pieces of artwork I own and because it was shiny. (Am I part pigeon now? What is up?!) 

Is anything else I own shiny? No. Is it the right size for the space I'm filling? No. Was I even looking for a TV console today? No. But, oooh, it has customized DVD storage!

Ikea fever. That's the only explanation.

Of course, most of the furniture pieces I fall in love (lust?) with in stores are the pieces that I'm not even shopping for. I have a running mental dialogue that sounds something like, "You already have three bookcases! Step away from the headboards! You're refinishing your dining set, don't even look at those tables!" on a constant loop.

I may have found a couch, though, which actually was on the mission list. I just can't purchase it yet, due to lack of storage space and lack of keys to my future home.

It looks like this:

And, speaking as someone who's 25% Swedish... I can't say I understand if this is some strange Nordic stereotype pictured in the ad. I am equally offended for my kind and jealous that I'm lacking in the Swedish sex appeal of the hot momma pictured on the right.

Either way, it's fun to finally allow myself to touch the savings I'd been hoarding all these years. And, no matter how exhausting home shopping can be... 

...at least there will always be a home-cooked meal waiting for me at Ikea.

Accepted!

How to fall in love with something you thought you hated:

• Take some time away.
• Put the one who rejected you out of your mind.
• Ponder how things could be.
• Begin to daydream about it so much that you begin to wonder "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"
• Throw some logic into the equation.
• Convince your audience that your talking about real estate and not men.
• Take one all-important test selfie in the bathroom mirror. (See above.)

Yes. If your powers of deduction are as great as my knack for double entendres, you'll have deduced by now that... I'm buying the Poopy Carpet Palace!

I made a smart bid to a "motivated seller" that was actually accepted! I've laid down my earnest money and my inspection is completed. Once the bank finishes up with the underwriting and their appraisal... barring unseen events, disaster or acts of God ... I'll have a set of keys in my hand by mid-June!

A set of keys to a door that sits only a couple of buildings down from the "dream place" I lost out on this past fall.

Am I bummed? No. This twist of fate has saved me five figures for the swap of about 100 less square feet and a not-as-great view. (Although, my new view faces directly into the Florida room of the drunken host I dealt with this past summer in another viewing at the same complex. Free entertainment anyone? I'll provide the pizza and patio chairs!)

I'm not focusing on what this place lacks. I'm just ready to put an end to all the address-changing that's been going on for almost a year now. (Fourth time's the charm!)

So instead of dwelling on:

The nasty carpet that I'll be replacing anyhow.

The decade old mayo, Manwich, beets and sauerkraut left in the cupboards.

The fact that the current owner "fixed" the broken door buzzer we complained about with scotch tape. (Spoiler alert... It still doesn't work!)

And, the creepy red robe that's still hanging in the bedroom closet.

I'm choosing to get excited about:

Floor-to-ceiling natural light!

Reacquainting myself with the concept of not having to share a bathroom.

Kicking my storage unit lease to the curb!

A possible adoption in the works. (Do I look like a fit "mother" here?)

 And, daily brushings with Batman and Catwoman. 

(Uh huh. They're already purchased, packed and ready to be hung.)

Most importantly, I'm looking forward to moving this blog out of the House Hunting chapter and into the "Watch How I Mess up a Renovation" one.

I aim to please, people. I simply aim to please.

Well, the goal was to own property by the time I was forty. If my closing date doesn't change, I'll be 40.75.  That's not yet 41! Mission accomplished?

Holy, property cherry, Batman.... I'd say mission complete!

Rejection, Weight Loss and Living Out of Storage

So, I haven't posted a house-hunting update lately. Mainly because the offer that I made in my last post was rejected. (Not countered. Flat-out rejected, as in; we no likey, sayanora, we won't be doing business with you, thanks...)

After all that number-crunching, paperwork and skipping out of work early to getter done, how could they possibly not take my money?! I was sad, offended, embarrassed and really had nothing much more to say about it at the time.

It's true. Rejection from a house feels just as stingy as rejection from a boy.

The last showing I had was around the holidays and at a smaller, older, crappier-located condo in the same development as the one that broke my heart. 

In keeping with nick-naming my showings, this one has been dubbed the "Poopy Carpet Place".

When a giant rug is the only staging...

...ALWAYS lift it up! [I'll spare you the poopy pics.]

Since not much has been listed in my price range over the winter, the Poopy Palace sadly remains my front-runner for the time being. And, I have not been by for a second look yet because I still can't wrap my mind around the concept of sloppy seconds. (Pun, somewhat intended.)

In the meantime, I've been house-sitting for my parents while they spend the cold season in Florida. 

Sweet gig. But, not home.

This could not be more clearly exhibited to me than when I tried to do the seasonal switch-out of my closet today.

No, I haven't been able to live out my real estate makeover yet, but one transition has taken place in the meantime. Me dropping three pants sizes! (I'd like to say it was from healthy living and exercise. But, quite honestly, at least 2/3 or those pounds disappeared due to stress-induced diarrhea and gastroesophageal reflux.)

:D :) :D :) :D I'm now distracting you from that last sentence with a sudden influx of emoticons that don't seem to be working on Blogger. :D :) :D :) :D

A little over a year ago VS earlier this week
(No matter the size... I will, apparently, always
 be incapable of taking a serious picture.)

It's fun to fit into smaller clothes and wear panties that don't leave marks of cutting on your bum-cheeks. Normally, in such circumstances, I'd merely take a stroll down to the boxes in the basement, pull out whichever of the three sizes I always keep on hand bears the magic number and, voila, "new" wardrobe!

But, life's not so simple when you're living in between residences.

First off, I have no clothing anywhere in the size that now fits me. (Cue the world's tiniest violin, I know...) So, my cheap ass has been raiding eBay to stock up. (Trust me, the sagging pants look is not one I am capable of pulling off.)

There is now an explosion of patterns and fabrics happening in my closet that was already bursting at the seams! Between my need to move out the "fat pants" and the fact that Michigan has finally decided to thaw, the time has come to box up half of this stuff and put it the heck away.

When living in between residences, that means no quick jaunt downstairs. It's off to the storage unit!!!

So, this is what's happening in my storage unit:

(Not to mention, an abnormal amount of selfie-taking.)

This piece symbolizes my likelihood of being buried alive
before my mortgage even begins.

I don't know where half of this crap came from, where it will be going, and cutting the itchy tags out of my old pants now seems like the worst idea since the Flowbee!

"What friggin' size are these?!"

But, I'm not ungrateful. 

I realize that I'm not living in a shelter. I've still got money in the bank. I have a job that I love. I have four different sizes in my wardrobe now. And, most importantly, I know God's timing is more perfect than mine and I certainly trust Him alot more than I trust myself.

Lesson learned?

When life throws you curve balls, take a seat on a Christmas tree and wait it out.